Not a Waltz! Anything but a Waltz!

Hello People of the Interwebs!

Today's review is of a movie that won a screenplay writing competition, and was then produced. The film is 'Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return'.

Image Credit to IMDb

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

The story follows Dorothy, as she wakes up from the tornado, in a wrecked house. We meet the Appraiser, who, for no reason that's ever clarified, wants to condemn people's houses when they're completely destroyed, as is usual during situations like that. Dorothy tries to fight back, but is shot down. In a surprisingly depressing moment, she sings about how one person can't change the world while walking through the horribly destroyed town. This moment really hits hard since, in the original Wizard of Oz, you don't really see what happens to Dorothy's house or her town after the tornado. It's really quite a powerful scene.

Anyway, Dorothy then gets captured by a rainbow. Kind of a sudden twist. Dorothy gets sucked to Oz, where an evil villain, named the Jester, has begun to take over! Here is yet another villain where their true motives are... non-existent. He has a villain song, but it doesn't actually clarify WHY he wants to take over Oz. All I really know about him is this- 1: His sister was the Wicked Witch of the West. 2: His sister cursed him, so he can't take off his Jester's outfit. 3: He makes his marionette slaves do a Waltz to intimidate people. sigh... He captures Glinda by turning her into a soulless marionette, and eventually captures the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the ex-Cowardly Lion (ex-Cowardly, not ex-Lion), but doesn't turn them into soulless marionettes. Dorothy travels through Oz, trying to make her way to the Emerald City, and then to the Jester's Palace. Along the way, she meets Wiser, a fat owl, Marshal Mellows, a marshmallow guard, and the China Princess.

The writing isn't really bad, and most of the jokes could be funny, but barely any actually land an amusing punchline. Why do I still think the writing's okay then? Well beyond the jokes, they managed to make me get teary eyed for a relationship between a tiny porcelain doll and a giant marshmallow. Anybody who can do that deserves some credit.

Now, the voice acting is what you'd expect. B-Rate actors, doing C-Rate jobs, and- wait, what? There's actual Star Power in this film! Among the stars in this film are such varied A-List actors as: Dan Aykroyd, Kelsey Grammer, Bernadette Peters, Martin Short, and... Patrick Stewart? Ayup, Patrick Stewart is in this film, folks. As a talking tree/talking boat/talking wooden tank. But you know what? If I were Patrick Stewart, I would do a movie like this one once in a while too. Dorothy is played by Lea Michelle, which helps when there's singing involved, I guess. I'm not entirely convinced by her acting though.

All in all, it's not an entirely terrible movie, and I suppose that it has enjoyable moments, but it is not at all worth about 1 and 3/4 hours of your time.

This is the Teenage Critic, signing off!

Like The Teenage Critic on Facebook here. You can email the Teenage Critic, at criticteen1@gmail.com. Feel free to send me your suggestions for movies to review, or just to send me your opinions and fan mail. Follow me on Twitter, @Thomas_Pflanz

Is Juno an Airbender?

Hello People of the Interwebs!

This week, I'll be reviewing Juno!

Image Credit to IMDb

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

The story of Juno follows a 16 year old girl named Juno MacGuff as she deals with being pregnant. She decides to adopt out her baby, and finds a perfect couple. The couple is Vanessa and Mark Loring. Vanessa wishes to be a mother, but Mark has other ideas. He would rather spend his time playing in a band and following his passions, which allows Juno to bond with him. Juno also deals with her feelings for the baby's father, Paulie Bleeker.

The story is beautifully simple. It allows for greater expansion of the characters, so we can feel their joy and sadness and anger as they feel it. There's so much emotion packed into this movie, which you wouldn't expect at first, due to some of the rather unusual language in it. But don't be fooled by my words; it's also an incredibly lighthearted tale.

The acting is amazing in this film. Ellen Page plays Juno MacGuff. Her innocent portrayal melds beautifully with the story and the character. Paulie Bleeker is played by Michael Cera, and he does his usual awkward teen performance, which is always hilarious and well done! Jennifer Garner plays Vanessa Loring, and she does an amazing job with the pure and raw emotions of her character. Vanessa's husband, Mark, is played by Jason Bateman. Now, here's the thing about Jason Bateman. I may have not seen him in much, but in everything that I've seen, I've never liked his character. He just doesn't generally play likable characters, which is a shame, since he's a good actor. Another actor of notice is J.K. Simmons, playing Mac MacGuff, Juno's father. I really just enjoy Simmons in general, since he is a phenomenal actor, for both on screen roles and voice roles as well. One of my favorite of his voices is Tenzin, Aang's son in The Legend of Korra.

Juno is a beautiful movie about a girl struggling through her nine months of pregnancy. It's just generally about living life, even when you are going through a difficult time. I really love the quaint feeling of it, and the raw emotions that are so important in movies. A beautiful movie with beautiful performances.

This is the Teenage Critic, signing off!

Like The Teenage Critic on Facebook here. You can email the Teenage Critic, at criticteen1@gmail.com. Feel free to send me your suggestions for movies to review, or just to send me your opinions and fan mail. Follow me on Twitter, @Thomas_Pflanz

Gobble-tor Who?!

Hello People of the Interwebs!

Today I'll be reviewing a movie of Historic proportions: Free Birds.

Image Credit to IMDb

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

Have any of you ever watched the TV show of Mad, based on Mad Magazine? Did you ever see their Thanksgiving episode? The one where they parodied 'The Bourne Legacy'? Well, that's this movie's plot. The story follows an outcast turkey named Reggie. He gets pardoned by the President during the annual Turkey Pardoning. He lives a luxurious life, until he's kidnapped by another Turkey named Jack. Jack believes that his destiny is to steal a time machine (built by the US Government, of course), and use it to go back in time and stop turkeys from being on the menu of the first Thanksgiving. There, Jack and Reggie meet a tribe of wild turkeys, who are constantly hiding from a hunter, named Myles Standish, and his hunting crew.

I'm gonna focus on the acting right now, then rant later. The voice acting is, well, really kinda okay. There's nothing really special about it. Owen Wilson plays Reggie, and he does his best fulfilling a stupid script like this one, though I guess that can be said for all of the actors. Woody Harrelson plays Jake. This film also employs the voices of Amy Poehler as Jenny, Reggie's love interest, Colm Meany as Myles Standish, and George Takei as S.T.E.V.E., the time machine's AI. These three are probably the best of the the voice actors in this film.

Now, this is a really stupid movie. It has all the clichés of comedy/action/kids films, but not in the way where it is clever and mocking (like Johnny English, where it's mocking them beautifully). There's a lot of non-funny non sequitur, like guards laughing for a minute at a mildly funny joke, and countless other kinds of pointless, throwaway lines. There are a couple of funny moments, and those make the movie more tolerable, I suppose. But then there's the Pizza. In the end, (SPOILERS), there's a big battle between the humans and the turkeys. Reggie comes back from the future, and brings along... Pizza. So, instead of humans eating turkey for Thanksgiving, they eat Pizza. Now, not only is this stupid, but it creates a paradox, which I won't go into, because this movie doesn't deserve that level of thought. Then the very last is spoken. It's from S.T.E.V.E. (who is voiced by Takei). His last line is "Oh, my!" A stupid, cheesy (yet funny), way to end this stupid film.

I would recommend against anyone watching this movie. While there are certainly amusing moments, when it's all said and done, it's a horrible mess. I think that it's definitely a kid's film, and children (the film's target audience) will most likely enjoy it, since they are blissfully unaware of the clichés. Also, drunk people (NOT the film's target audience) might enjoy it as well. In other words, don't watch it.

This is the Teenage Critic, signing off!

Like The Teenage Critic on Facebook here. You can email the Teenage Critic, at criticteen1@gmail.com. Feel free to send me your suggestions for movies to review, or just to send me your opinions and fan mail. Follow me on Twitter, @Thomas_Pflanz

Johnny English: Jesus Mode

Hello People of the Interwebs!

Funny story. I was home sick today. Wait, it's not funny yet. Stop Laughing! Anyway, it was about 4:00 in the afternoon. I had wrapped up my work for the day, when I realized that I had no review. So, I walked to the TV, and turned on Netflix. Then, I saw Johnny English: Reborn. Wanting to watch something new, I hit play. It then occurred to me that I had seen it before. Then I thought: "Eh, screw it. I'll just finish it." So, that's the story behind this review. Now, let's get to it!

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

The story follows Johnny English, an Ex-MI7 agent and Ex-Knight. He gets re-hired by MI7 to discover the secrets behind an assassination attempt on the Chinese Premier. In the process, he discovers a secret group called 'Vortex', made up of three people, with a secret weapon that allows them to kill people. Through his investigation, where he makes some bumblingly stupid errors, Johnny finds out that Vortex is made up of people one from each from: CIA, KGB... and MI7 (not-at-all-shocked gasp, but I guess that that's the point).

This film does an amazing job making fun of the classic tropes of espionage based movies. Where an older man might actually do parkour to chase down a bad guy in a James Bond film, the old Johnny English uses elevators and doors (using his wisdom over his body). There are also obvious reveals, like who is involved in Vortex. It's very cleverly done.

The acting is quite good. Rowan Atkinson plays Johnny English. Atkinson is brilliant, as he always is. His right hand man, Tucker, was played by Daniel Kaluuya. He's a fantastic comic foil for Atkinson. Dominic West plays Agent Simon Ambrose, who is the MI7 member of Vortex. The rest  of the actors are just as good, and support the story very well.

All in all, it's funny, exciting, and a great film! The cliché tropes are well done, and hilarious. This film is simply great!

This is the Teenage Critic, signing off!

Well, before I do... I'm the Production Stage Manager and Co-Adapter for a stage adaptation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. We currently have a fundraiser going to help pay for the rehearsal space and the theater space. We only have 4 more days to fund it, or we can't put on the show. Every dollar helps, so donate whatever you can! Link: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/dut66/ab/14KEA9

Like The Teenage Critic on Facebook here. You can email the Teenage Critic, at criticteen1@gmail.com. Feel free to send me your suggestions for movies to review, or just to send me your opinions and fan mail. Follow me on Twitter, @Thomas_Pflanz